In an interview with the
Boston Globe, actress Keira
Knightly talked about being drawn to imperfect faces, remembering that her
mum always said “Blessed imperfections.” I love that concept, especially when
it comes to validating the uniqueness of children pressed by society and their
peers to “fit in.” I’ve always tried to encourage my kids to step to their own
beat, accepting that the attributes that make them different are what also make them special.
(This is especially helpful when you have offbeat, quirky kids, like I do.) It
is tricky, helping children value qualities that set them apart, especially
those that can be somewhat off-putting to kids their own age. But some of those
“blessed imperfections” that are so challenging to parent (stubbornness,
conviction, fierce loyalty…) are character traits that can, if properly
tempered by balance and perspective, serve them brilliantly into adulthood. So
I’ve tried to treasure them even as I’ve had to develop strategies to survive
them…
With the
beginning of each school year, kids have the opportunity to reinvent themselves
with new teachers, new classmates, perhaps a new look, a different attitude.
Part of it is normal exploration to answer the question,
“Who do I want to be?” But as they develop,
this process hopefully leads them to their most authentic self, ultimately able
to grow more fully into who they truly are as a unique individual. It is a wise
parent who figures out how to help that flourish. As Thoreau so wisely said,
“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he
hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however
measured or far away.
”
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